tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87367183303597641002024-03-13T12:46:45.886-07:00Coffee Beans and Doughnut CrumbsTaiwan vs An Awkward AmericanAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07901920591656756321noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8736718330359764100.post-45723603321750577762015-06-08T09:07:00.003-07:002015-06-08T09:23:55.281-07:00So Much for Making This a HabitAnd the prodigal son returns... It's been a while since I've posted anything, but don't worry! I was diligently working to hone my craft. Consider this my second act, following the world's longest most unnecessary intermission. Yes, I have dedicated myself to becoming a better writer to bring you, the reader, the sporadic free blogging quality you've come to expect and most likely deserve. (Let's be honest, we've all done some bad things. Reading this can serve as a form of penance. Check with your local religious leader.) By immersing myself in some of the finest novels written by the masters of literature, I have absorbed their writing skills into myself and will now bestow my new-found prowess upon you all!<br />
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Or not. I actually spent the last 3 months reading all of the Game of Thrones books and, let's be honest, if you wanted to hear someone talk about a made up world filled with backstabbing betrayal, slanderous gossip, and cries for the blood of tyrants you wouldn't have to read my blog. You could just click over to FOX News. Boom! Cutting political jab! Damn this blog is edgy and relevant!<br />
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But no, you're here to read about how a person who can barely function in his own culture manages not to die in a foreign country. Some people would say that's pretty deplorable, but you're just a savvy reader who knows what they like, and that's reading about other people in awkward situations and seeing what kind of bathroom picture I post. That's right, I know why you're REALLY here...<br />
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Let's begin.<br />
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No, you can't do that here, no matter how much you love your dog.</div>
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I've been lucky enough over the past year to go on some pretty crazy adventures, as well as teach an incredible group of kids! There have been Halloween parties,<br />
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They're thrilled!</div>
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...trips to South Korea,<br />
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I prefer to be "That Guy" on vacation.</div>
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The other Korea. Sittin' over there plottin' and schemin'.</div>
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...a giant duck,</div>
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Like its brethren of the bathtub, it guards the lake from the dreaded Drain Monster.</div>
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...a Thanksgiving party with the "turkey's" (duck's) head still attached,</div>
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They're thrilled! </div>
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...visits from family,</div>
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Nathan drank a lot of high-grain alcohol on this trip.</div>
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...and even a visit from Santa Claus!</div>
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It's uh... it's been a rough year for the jolly old elf.</div>
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And if you've been keeping track that brings us all the way up to December. A few weeks after I took the flattering photo you see above, I made the decision to sign on and teach in Taiwan for another year. This was a fairly big decision, but I'm not quite ready to end this chapter of my life. Living in another part of the world is incredible. Most people don't get to experience something like this, and I don't feel one year was sufficient enough time to explore all Taiwan has to offer. Also, I need one more year before the statute of limitations runs out back home. You guys know what sticklers the police can be.<br />
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In February we got a week off for Chinese New Year, so my girlfriend Kyra and I decided to take the time to do some personal reflection on our lives and really grow as people. We decided we would best be able to do this on the beautiful beaches of the Philippines.<br />
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Just getting back in touch with my roots.</div>
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It was an awesome trip! After we landed in Manila our hotel sent a shuttle to pick us up and take us to the southern tip of the island. We would then take a boat to a city on another island, Puerto Galera, where our hotel was. Upon getting off the plane you could just tell there was a unique attitude about life in the Philippines. The best way I've been able to describe this attitude is, "eh, whatever." For example, when we merged onto the highway and fell into a traffic jam, our driver just went, "eh, whatever" and proceeded to ride up on the tail end of an ambulance en route to the hospital for the next 10 kilometers. No better way to start your vacation than whispering to your girlfriend, "Do you see the paramedic in the back?! Look at all those tubes!" But it got us out of the traffic jam so, hurray?<br />
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When we got to Bantangas on the southern coast of the island we discovered the next installment of our grand adventure.<br />
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Our chariot!</div>
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Puerto Galera was really cool though. It was a favorite destination of Ernest Hemingway and even has a bistro named after him. It's also world renown for its diverse coral reefs (yet somehow not for its homeless animal population), so there are scuba diving and snorkeling businesses just lining the beach. When we went snorkeling it was beautiful! We saw all sorts of incredible sea life, including a sea turtle, which I followed around for about a half-hour.<br />
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Puerto Galera</div>
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Near where we snorkeled.</div>
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Our favorite restaurant. Seriously, we went back there more times than I'd like to admit.</div>
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On another day we went on a tour of the inner parts of the island. Since no one else in our hotel signed up for the tour, it became a private trip (score!). Now the thing you need to know about the Philippines is that, while the Filipino economy is growing, it's still an island nation and it can be difficult to secure larger domestic goods, such as cars. This is especially true on the smaller or less populated islands. This means that Filipinos often rely on their ingenuity to develop other modes of transportation. Motorcycles are popular, as are motorcycles with homemade sidecars, but for our tour of the island we rode in something much more...shiny.<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-am_XLz5SBms/VWmt-h3ifrI/AAAAAAAAAgk/FQ19edQZGhw/s1600/jeepney.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-am_XLz5SBms/VWmt-h3ifrI/AAAAAAAAAgk/FQ19edQZGhw/s400/jeepney.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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No, the horn doesn't play "La Cucaracha."</div>
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And no, there is no backdoor... or seat-belts.</div>
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This is a jeepney. A converted US army jeep left behind from WW2. Yes, there are a lot of them. Yes, they are all shiny. Yes, they are awesome! People just hop on the back, hitch a ride for a while, knock on the roof when they get to where they're going, and then hop off. And thus, we made our escape into the jungle!</div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dzdE625OOVXZTpGVHWmwy043d4sq53eVgTwUbvto-oCgzjbMHRdjthvAUZ9afOB2SFluduoDEUv7CU4a6I6_g' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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Escapes into the jungle are best accompanied by Eminem.</div>
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One of the first stops was this really scenic waterfall called Tamaraw Falls. Despite having a name that sounds like a hillbilly trying to tell you about the day after today, it was really beautiful.<br />
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You might be a redneck if you enjoyed the previous joke.</div>
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Afterwards we rode further into the island and came to an indigenous tribe. Our guide told us the locals prefer to be left alone but wouldn't mind too much if we were respectful. So no pictures. You'll just have to trust that I'm not a big liar who makes things up on the Internet to sound cooler than I really am. I know I'm asking a lot.<br />
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Follow me, on this probably safe bridge!</div>
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There was also a little campground where the river was diverted into a very cold pool and man-made waterfall. The owners even built little rock tables and chairs in the river. You just want to make sure you get the table furthest upstream. You're already sitting in fish pee, and you know any jerk sitting two tables further up than you is just going to add their pee to that. I prefer to be in the position of control in these situations.<br />
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Pictured: Position of Control</div>
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Not Pictured: The old man laughing at his wife who was too scared to get under the waterfall.</div>
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Once we were done eating came, what I consider to be, the highlight of our tour: lunch!<br />
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Add in a monkey butler and 8-year-old Eli would have considered his life fulfilled.</div>
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We ended the tour with a stop at a pebble beach. We were there just briefly, but it was incredibly beautiful. When we first got there our tour guide pointed to a tree and said, "Look a monkey!" We got really excited until we saw the monkey was chained to a tree branch. Encountering a wild animal loses its sense of adventure and danger when it's tied up and heavily sedated, isn't that right <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/world/2012/mar/15/putin-tiger-pr-stunt">Russian President Vladimir Putin</a>? However, we did see another monkey in a tree later on.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-7rWWsdYNE1I/VXWxsM2w6rI/AAAAAAAAAiI/CMpsdhZfjaQ/s1600/IMG_1214.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-7rWWsdYNE1I/VXWxsM2w6rI/AAAAAAAAAiI/CMpsdhZfjaQ/s400/IMG_1214.JPG" width="298" /></a></div>
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....it's me. I'm the monkey.</div>
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The following days were just as amazing. Relaxing on the beach, being solicited on the beach, checking out the local shops, being solicited on the street, eating delicious food, being solicited in the restaurants, reading by the pool, being solicited while we were snorkeling... Seriously, a boat came up to us in the middle of the ocean to try and sell us a tour. Either he was banking on us finding sunken treasure or he was really trusting about where I put my money when I wear a swimsuit.<br />
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But it was a fantastic trip. Here's a view from one of the places where we ate breakfast.<br />
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I don't think she was being sarcastic.</div>
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And here's another one of the jeepney, because those are just fun.<br />
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The vacation ended with Kyra and I having to take a 4AM boat ride back to Batangas. It was so dark that the boat had a hard time reaching the dock. So instead we walked on a rickety plank to one boat, went to the back and then walked on another rickety plank to our boat, surprisingly without being thrown into the ocean! It was a bit of an intense, dark ride but we made it back to Taiwan in time to greet my parents as they arrived for their visit. But those pictures are for another day. So for now I'll leave you with the latest installment of BATHROOMS OF TAIWAN!!<br />
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This latest entry comes from a week long music festival. The picture was taken the first day of the festival. You don't want to see what it looked like at the end of the week. I present to you, the Taiwanese Port-a-Potty!<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cC1x6rDtRDA/VXW5liPoMyI/AAAAAAAAAi8/VfQH0RlLrb0/s1600/IMG_0776.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="298" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cC1x6rDtRDA/VXW5liPoMyI/AAAAAAAAAi8/VfQH0RlLrb0/s400/IMG_0776.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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Damn, it's great being a guy.</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07901920591656756321noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8736718330359764100.post-36430723194269770992014-09-14T07:00:00.001-07:002014-09-14T07:00:30.140-07:00Tonight, on 60 Minutes...It's been a mere five minutes since I found myself emerging from the clearing fog of war, victorious in what was without a doubt my toughest battle yet, or at least that memory allows me to recall. The fading adrenaline gave way to a clarity that only a brush with death can provide. I realized that for far too long I have been absent from those who matter most to me. From all of you. And as I picked up the lifeless body of the most insanely hulked out cockroach you've ever seen in your frickin' life, I knew that I must return to this mysterious ethereal known as my stupid blog.<br />
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Some of you may have been wondering where I've been away to for so long. In the rush of life had I abandoned you? Left you for the promise of greener pastures? Perhaps I was curious to test the old adage, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Or perhaps you should stop nagging me so much as to what I've been doing. I told you, I've been busy! I swear you're turning more into your mother everyday...<br />
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Let's start this off with some pictures of something crazy that happened to me a while back. You know those stories where a person is going about their day when all of a sudden they see something so different and strange that they instantly know it's been neglected by everyone who has ever set eyes on it? Well that happened to me. My softer side came through and I decided to pull out some cash and bring home the newest addition to my Taiwan life. Everyone, meet Double Banana!<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-SMQ8eCujZeg/VBBj_GBoZUI/AAAAAAAAAR8/13bR_gf5oa4/s1600/IMG_0588.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-SMQ8eCujZeg/VBBj_GBoZUI/AAAAAAAAAR8/13bR_gf5oa4/s1600/IMG_0588.JPG" height="298" width="400" /> </a></div>
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It's part banana, part anomaly. </div>
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Oooohh.....</div>
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Aaaahh......</div>
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I ate it. It tasted like a regular banana. I still don't have super powers. So much disappointment...</div>
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A few weeks ago Nina and I decided to go to Taipei for the weekend and check out all the sights the city had to offer. Within 30 minutes of being in the city I left my wallet in a taxi. Not on purpose, mind you. Simply because I wasn't paying attention and the universe is a fickle mistress. My journey of seeing the wondrous sights of Taipei took a quick turn into urban survival 101: last the weekend with the money in your pocket.</div>
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And for those of you who are saying, "Just call the cab companies, dummy," well I tried that. As far as I know it merely resulted in several taxi services in Taipei being aware that a confused sounding white guy rode in a taxi the previous night and he was calling about something. Who knows what? Just tell him you don't speak English and transfer him to another line.</div>
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Nina and I had heard that the Taipei Zoo was an absolute must see, so we decided to go the next morning. It was HUGE and they had a ton of fantastic animals. The best part was that they had information in Chinese and English posted at each exhibit. For example, had it not been for the dedication of the zoo's staff I never would have known the following:</div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-PBE2jnk93dg/VBBkGkkfRDI/AAAAAAAAASs/TEVv9Mh8iwc/s1600/IMG_0600.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-PBE2jnk93dg/VBBkGkkfRDI/AAAAAAAAASs/TEVv9Mh8iwc/s1600/IMG_0600.JPG" height="400" width="298" /></a></div>
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Nope. Never would have known that. Or seen that. Thanks zoo.</div>
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Normal people would take lots of pictures of the animals. You know, because it's a zoo. That's not really my thing. So go find another blog if that's what you want.</div>
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If you're still here, good; let's move on.</div>
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Things got weird when you got close to the zoo's bathrooms. There were a lot of signs that I suppose you could label as "encouraging." Maybe motivational is the better word. I don't know, you tell me.</div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Acb3zYEOKpg/VBBkRjK3NtI/AAAAAAAAATc/U_-OwvUH58A/s1600/IMG_0609.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Acb3zYEOKpg/VBBkRjK3NtI/AAAAAAAAATc/U_-OwvUH58A/s1600/IMG_0609.JPG" height="298" width="400" /></a></div>
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Groups get a discount.</div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-npF83cy8Fys/VBBkVBnXYqI/AAAAAAAAATs/BgXC2tb9ix4/s1600/IMG_0610.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-npF83cy8Fys/VBBkVBnXYqI/AAAAAAAAATs/BgXC2tb9ix4/s1600/IMG_0610.JPG" height="298" width="400" /></a></div>
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...and you will know thine self.</div>
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And for those of you who need a little bit more coaxing than a mere sign can provide, there's this:</div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-8yPKDqqF6UM/VBBker4YwnI/AAAAAAAAAUU/Dp8t-FQNu6Y/s1600/IMG_0616.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-8yPKDqqF6UM/VBBker4YwnI/AAAAAAAAAUU/Dp8t-FQNu6Y/s1600/IMG_0616.JPG" height="298" width="400" /></a></div>
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Well if you insist.</div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vwS9iqwidJ4/VBBkajLb1qI/AAAAAAAAAUE/nUigDB0TMf0/s1600/IMG_0614.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vwS9iqwidJ4/VBBkajLb1qI/AAAAAAAAAUE/nUigDB0TMf0/s1600/IMG_0614.JPG" height="298" width="400" /></a></div>
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Pictured above: Me keeping an open mind.</div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-by-tKOFVUTE/VBBkdbOrn2I/AAAAAAAAAUM/qhzExsjPm6Q/s1600/IMG_0615.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-by-tKOFVUTE/VBBkdbOrn2I/AAAAAAAAAUM/qhzExsjPm6Q/s1600/IMG_0615.JPG" height="640" width="476" /></a></div>
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Perhaps it's a not so subtle take on modern art.</div>
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We did get to see the new baby pandas at the zoo though. This was a VERY popular attraction so naturally there has to be someway to maintain order. Taipei Zoo is on the case! After standing in line to enter a giant concrete building you stand in line to go through zig-zagging walkways. Eventually you approach a giant pane of glass guarded by zoo personnel droning the Chinese equivalent of, "Move along, move along, move along..."</div>
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As you move along (which is highly recommended by zoo staff) you can catch a glimpse into the panda exhibit and capture breathtaking moments of the pandas interacting as if they were actually in the wild.</div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-mdaCq7w3-mo/VBBkUHNiocI/AAAAAAAAATk/IfhLYu-eofg/s1600/IMG_0611.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-mdaCq7w3-mo/VBBkUHNiocI/AAAAAAAAATk/IfhLYu-eofg/s1600/IMG_0611.JPG" height="298" width="400" /></a></div>
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This is what pandas do in the wild.</div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-3QhbCX2Ey98/VBBkXeGm4EI/AAAAAAAAAT0/2YxozdNx1Zg/s1600/IMG_0612.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-3QhbCX2Ey98/VBBkXeGm4EI/AAAAAAAAAT0/2YxozdNx1Zg/s1600/IMG_0612.JPG" height="298" width="400" /></a></div>
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See? He's right there, being a panda.</div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pxF_QpRYmL8/VBBkYcCq1kI/AAAAAAAAAT8/butO4ZlagII/s1600/IMG_0613.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pxF_QpRYmL8/VBBkYcCq1kI/AAAAAAAAAT8/butO4ZlagII/s1600/IMG_0613.JPG" height="298" width="400" /></a></div>
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Just look at him! Being all barely alive and such!</div>
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Also, this was outside the zoo. I guess maybe it represents Mother Earth.</div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Wm5NhtNVJzI/VBBkghRF8mI/AAAAAAAAAUc/tes0UY50Oks/s1600/IMG_0617.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Wm5NhtNVJzI/VBBkghRF8mI/AAAAAAAAAUc/tes0UY50Oks/s1600/IMG_0617.JPG" height="400" width="298" /></a></div>
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Or an oncoming law suit from PETA.</div>
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After the zoo we went to the Huaxi night market which was really cool. We visited the Longshan Temple and took part in the burning of incense. Out of respect, I didn't take a lot of pictures of the temple. Sometimes I'm a good person.<br />
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Afterwards we headed down to the main strip with all the little shops. It was pretty busy but really cool to see. Luckily, my height allows certain perspectives not easily attained by most locals.<br />
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If you believe most locals are incapable of holding a camera over their head.</div>
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There were lots of neat little things too, including what I can only assume was supposed to be a penguin and panda version of Cheech and Chong.<br />
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He's seen some things man, some real crazy things.</div>
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Still better than the zoo's panda.</div>
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Glenn Beck playing Communist Asian instruments? Maybe. Who's to say? I'm just asking questions.</div>
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The next day on our way to the High Speed Rail we stopped in at the Shandao Temple. And when I say "stopped in" I mean "clapped at and redirected by temple security." We had mistakenly tried to enter some other random building at first. The clapping helped to correct this blunder.<br />
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We reached the train station with plenty of time to spare so we decided to walk around and see what we could find. And wouldn't you know it? There just happened to be a dance competition going on across the street. Because of course there was. <br />
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Some of the "crews," as the kids are calling them these days, were really good. Some were really strange. Actually, a lot were really strange. Take these guys for instance.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dxnRFoNQsrCkhxNWlPSt6jR4KnKlOYJ8QWoNIOp8lQ7QxYha8YmGnGP-jmhJqLkZuslDqbxwCW_Jrc44dDdog' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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I believe this is what is referred to as "pop, lock, and drop it"</div>
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The last group was even stranger, dancing to this traditional Taiwanese music that morphed into some sort of goth rock opera. All the guys were dressed up as emotionless fan wielding geishas in denim jackets and the girls looked liked half-dressed emo kids. I didn't get a recording of their performance and I don't think anyone else in the crowd did either. We were all too distracted by the fact that we were experiencing the truest definition of a waking nightmare. Thank you Taipei, I would have hated for my trip to end on a normal note.<br />
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I'm about done with this entry but before I sign off I have one last quick story. Do you recall the earlier photo of the Chinese Civet? With the scented glands? Of course you do. That's the kind of mental scarring that requires lifelong therapy. Anyway, another interesting fact about the civet is that they will eat a steady diet of berries and coffee beans. And as you know, when you put something into your body eventually it must leave your body. What you may not know is that farmers go around collecting the poop from these civets. They then use them to make specialty coffee. Some people swear it's some of the best coffee in the world. Others say it tastes like crap (insert rim shot here). Well guess what a coworker of mine gave me the other day...<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7MsSiqy-FDw/VBWXv4cNmqI/AAAAAAAAAdM/m8fbbTBaz8I/s1600/IMG_0651.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7MsSiqy-FDw/VBWXv4cNmqI/AAAAAAAAAdM/m8fbbTBaz8I/s1600/IMG_0651.JPG" height="400" width="298" /></a></div>
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Well if the package says it's OK for all...</div>
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So yes. I drank the squirrel poop coffee because I'm an open minded individual and being single for the rest of my life can't be all THAT bad. Be proud of me Mom and Dad. This is what I went to school for.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07901920591656756321noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8736718330359764100.post-35736673413479884472014-08-10T02:19:00.000-07:002014-08-10T02:19:04.095-07:00This Blog Is Utterly Useless for Travel AdviceLet's start this entry off with a game! Everyone loves games. Try and figure out what this glue is supposed to be called:<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-PPFJLLixcFA/U-W1IdV-4II/AAAAAAAAAIg/kTgReDxd72Q/s1600/IMG_0554.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-PPFJLLixcFA/U-W1IdV-4II/AAAAAAAAAIg/kTgReDxd72Q/s1600/IMG_0554.JPG" height="298" width="400" /></a></div>
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The answer will be at the end of this post, provided I don't forget to write it down.</div>
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Taxis are nice. They take you where ever you need to go and in Taiwan they operate at a reasonable price. They also have air conditioning and deep cushioned seats. Hurray taxis, right? No. You're wrong and I'll tell you why. While those deep cushioned seats seem like they only want to gently caress your <span data-dobid="hdw">derrière</span>, what they really want to do is steal your keys. But this is only a partial explanation as to why I was wailing on the door to my house like a Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robot at 2:30 in the morning. Really it was a social experiment to see how many dogs live in my neighborhood and whether or not they would wake up to the sound of loud banging. Conclusion: 3 dogs and yes, they wake up.<br />
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But at least this gave me an excuse to meet our friendly neighborhood key master.<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2DbjrwOyNQQ/U-W1JujUn3I/AAAAAAAAAIw/xohePJEgny4/s1600/IMG_0562.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2DbjrwOyNQQ/U-W1JujUn3I/AAAAAAAAAIw/xohePJEgny4/s1600/IMG_0562.JPG" height="400" width="298" /></a></div>
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If Taiwan were the Matrix, he would be KEY-anu Reeves. (Insert laughs)</div>
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So last weekend a group of us went to Sun Moon Lake, which is just a two hour (karaoke free) bus ride from Taichung. It's a really beautiful area of Taiwan with lots of trails and temples to explore. We had to take a ferry boat to the other side of the lake which gave me plenty of time to reflect on important issues.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YJ5mVSZRueA/U-cO2Inp9cI/AAAAAAAAAPI/i1l-unKSeI0/s1600/sun+moon+ponder.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YJ5mVSZRueA/U-cO2Inp9cI/AAAAAAAAAPI/i1l-unKSeI0/s1600/sun+moon+ponder.jpg" height="400" width="266" /></a></div>
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"Sure Superman can fly, but Batman has to rely on his cunning..."</div>
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As soon as we got off the boat we immediately started sweating because Taiwan's climate hates you and hates your clothes. Most of the time I look like I finished last in a wet t-shirt contest. Seriously, you'd think my belly button sprang a leak from all the sweat on my shirt. I'll post picture evidence further down.</div>
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ANYWAY, the trail we were on was going to lead us to a temple at the top of this small mountain. It was amazing and we basically had the entire area to ourselves, since no one else had started hiking yet. Either that or we were on a path that people aren't intended to take but we can't read Chinese so we ignorantly do whatever we want. Illiteracy - 1, Education - 0</div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1jxgJ-Hjzc0/U-cO0QQ65-I/AAAAAAAAAOg/Qmhdb-xIN_0/s1600/path.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1jxgJ-Hjzc0/U-cO0QQ65-I/AAAAAAAAAOg/Qmhdb-xIN_0/s1600/path.jpg" height="400" width="266" /></a></div>
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Pictured Above: The happy ending to a great movie or the opening scene to a horror film.</div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-85g0WKMhHFY/U-cOzj_o_qI/AAAAAAAAAOU/1lIij0JoTU0/s1600/monkey+squat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-85g0WKMhHFY/U-cOzj_o_qI/AAAAAAAAAOU/1lIij0JoTU0/s1600/monkey+squat.jpg" height="400" width="266" /></a></div>
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This pretty much sums up all the pictures I've ever had taken of me.</div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rO1TRG8CiaQ/U-cO0s6meXI/AAAAAAAAAOk/lD9A1jV9OsQ/s1600/sun+moon+lookout.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rO1TRG8CiaQ/U-cO0s6meXI/AAAAAAAAAOk/lD9A1jV9OsQ/s1600/sun+moon+lookout.jpg" height="400" width="266" /></a></div>
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"Then again Superman has heat vision. One look from him and Batman would be fried."</div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-mXl-vIG_WoE/U-cO010qscI/AAAAAAAAAO0/pKL3k0ehAN8/s1600/sun+moon+lookout2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-mXl-vIG_WoE/U-cO010qscI/AAAAAAAAAO0/pKL3k0ehAN8/s1600/sun+moon+lookout2.jpg" height="266" width="400" /></a></div>
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Apparently I'm learning how to whistle in this picture.</div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4SAXOdBNkuU/U-cOtfgy1KI/AAAAAAAAANc/BJViu_SEK40/s1600/IMG_0578.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4SAXOdBNkuU/U-cOtfgy1KI/AAAAAAAAANc/BJViu_SEK40/s1600/IMG_0578.JPG" height="400" width="298" /></a></div>
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Taiwan's secret Cabbage Patch Kids garden.</div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-UYOsW2lZCz4/U-cO2eyXqMI/AAAAAAAAAPY/Qb6Xp9jQyoE/s1600/sun+moon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-UYOsW2lZCz4/U-cO2eyXqMI/AAAAAAAAAPY/Qb6Xp9jQyoE/s1600/sun+moon.jpg" height="400" width="266" /></a></div>
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"But the Batmobile is just so damn cool!"</div>
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Along the trail were quite a few betel nut farms as well. Betel nut is actually areca nut wrapped in betel leaves which is then chewed for it's effects as a mild stimulant, kind of like chewing tobacco. Go ahead and take a moment to Google Image search "betel nut smile." Go on, I'll wait...<br />
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For those of you who looked it up, that's pretty gnarly right? For those of you who said "I'll do it later" and then kept on reading, I'm disappointed. You know you're going to forget later. It'll be just like last year when you forgot to call your grandma on her birthday. Your good intentions aren't going to magically wish Nana a happy birthday because your forgetful brain was too busy watching Dancing with the Stars!<br />
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Where were we? Betel nut farms. You see more of them the further inland you get and I guess they're a hot commodity because the farmers post warnings about their intense security systems to dissuade trespassers.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-KXL28_FIOhQ/U-cOuaMGybI/AAAAAAAAANk/fDKiBAkPAps/s1600/IMG_0579.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-KXL28_FIOhQ/U-cOuaMGybI/AAAAAAAAANk/fDKiBAkPAps/s1600/IMG_0579.JPG" height="400" width="298" /></a></div>
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The rough translation is: Warning: Dog shoots lightning from mouth.</div>
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You don't want to know where the fireballs come from...</div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-m4K7YxnXo9k/U-cO1snW0WI/AAAAAAAAAO8/bH9gQv1Mpm4/s1600/sun+moon+path.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-m4K7YxnXo9k/U-cO1snW0WI/AAAAAAAAAO8/bH9gQv1Mpm4/s1600/sun+moon+path.jpg" height="400" width="266" /></a></div>
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A stupid idea is being contemplated...</div>
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Not pictured: The path we're supposed to be on</div>
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It took us about 30 minutes to get to the end of the trail where the Xuanzang Temple was located. It was an incredible building with so many intricate details. Absolutely worth the hike.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Z7WN36K9hyU/U-cOvWkjlhI/AAAAAAAAANs/5U9GH6uY2Yw/s1600/IMG_0580.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Z7WN36K9hyU/U-cOvWkjlhI/AAAAAAAAANs/5U9GH6uY2Yw/s1600/IMG_0580.JPG" height="400" width="298" /> </a></div>
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Xuanzang Temple</div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-I5Fuea3rtGE/U-cOwDBI2aI/AAAAAAAAANw/8yLR7Ks1cCg/s1600/IMG_0581.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-I5Fuea3rtGE/U-cOwDBI2aI/AAAAAAAAANw/8yLR7Ks1cCg/s1600/IMG_0581.JPG" height="298" width="400" /></a></div>
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Possibly an ancient alarm clock?</div>
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We couldn't take pictures on the top two floors of the temple but we were allowed to take photos on the first floor. It seemed a bit inappropriate though, so I don't have any photos inside the temple. But nobody said anything about taking borderline inappropriate photos outside the temple!<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-BVB8boKaR5I/U-cOxPA7epI/AAAAAAAAAN8/NVS0LDJQns0/s1600/IMG_0582.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-BVB8boKaR5I/U-cOxPA7epI/AAAAAAAAAN8/NVS0LDJQns0/s1600/IMG_0582.JPG" height="400" width="298" /></a></div>
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Leaky belly button!</div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-NoRPZi-LVmg/U-cO2o-2wII/AAAAAAAAAPQ/8AFBl50Z2nY/s1600/temple+bell.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-NoRPZi-LVmg/U-cO2o-2wII/AAAAAAAAAPQ/8AFBl50Z2nY/s1600/temple+bell.jpg" height="400" width="266" /></a></div>
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One of the more spacious places I've been in Taiwan.</div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-kjov1_Sf9Ys/U-cO3AylQOI/AAAAAAAAAPc/BRwrNw5o_yY/s1600/temple+elephant1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-kjov1_Sf9Ys/U-cO3AylQOI/AAAAAAAAAPc/BRwrNw5o_yY/s1600/temple+elephant1.jpg" height="266" width="400" /></a></div>
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It symbolizes all the wild elephants that absolutely do not exist in Taiwan.</div>
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We decided to get some food after touring the temple but unfortunately the only food we could find was from this older gentleman selling "Chinese hamburgers" out of what appeared to be a giant wok full of boiling oil. Group consensus was to hike to the visitor center and get food there instead. Luckily a shop owner was nice enough to point us in the right direction and inform us that it was only a 25 minute walk along the road. Even though the shop owners grandson was pretending to shoot us with a toy gun, most of the people you meet in Taiwan are super helpful!<br />
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But wanting to be helpful and being helpful are two entirely different things.<br />
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Twenty-five minutes into the walk we were still no where close to civilization. And then it began to rain. And rain. And rain. There are few sights more pathetic than 3 people huddled under a tree on the side of the road, trying to seek shelter from a torrential downpour that Taiwan decided to dump down. After about 10 minutes of this a man on a scooter drove by with a look that said, "What kind of morons walk around Taiwan without ponchos or umbrellas?" I agree sir.<br />
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Luckily a few minutes later he came back by and gave us two ponchos out of his scooter. Hurray for kindness! But some of you may recall that there were 3 of us huddled under that tree and the man only had 2 ponchos to spare. Through the power of math and deductive reasoning, you probably figured out that one of us was going to have to keep getting rained on. UNLESS we tied the two ponchos together and held them over our heads. BOOM! Human ingenuity over nature!<br />
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The truth is that nature doesn't care about your ingenuity and if Taiwan has decided that you're going to get wet, then you're going to get wet. No way around it. I realized this as I continued to get soaked despite the colorful ponchos being held over our heads.<br />
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Finally there was a light at the end of the tunnel. It came in the form of a light at the end of the road. Nina and Rhonda flagged down a passing car and the driver was foolish enough to stop. Before anyone could say anything Nina was in the back seat of the car introducing herself and asking for a ride. One look at the three confused Taiwanese faces in the car told me that we were all about to become best friends.<br />
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So there we were. Rolling 6 deep in a 5 passenger car. The guy in the back seat with us awkwardly accepted his fate of getting squished and wet. He was a good sport about it. Hurray for kindness!<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-lYLNWCQV_7s/U-cOzR2qNvI/AAAAAAAAAOc/p4M1RQiTLEU/s1600/hitchhiking.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-lYLNWCQV_7s/U-cOzR2qNvI/AAAAAAAAAOc/p4M1RQiTLEU/s1600/hitchhiking.jpg" height="298" width="400" /></a></div>
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You can't even tell we were sweating earlier!</div>
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We ended up getting dropped off near a pier where we could take a boat back to the other side of the lake. As we walked up to the visitors center we were given a hero's welcome by the all the laughing Taiwanese people. I guess getting caught in a rain storm and looking like a drowned rat is a pretty white person thing to do.<br />
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Let's look at some food! Shaved ice is awesome! The last couple of times we got chocolate with frosted flakes and chocolate with banana slices. This time we switched things up and got shaved ice with fruit and mango ice cream.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rU9azf7dH8g/U-cOzf4dBpI/AAAAAAAAAOQ/oFPfkFdUUVc/s1600/IMG_0586.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rU9azf7dH8g/U-cOzf4dBpI/AAAAAAAAAOQ/oFPfkFdUUVc/s1600/IMG_0586.JPG" height="298" width="400" /></a></div>
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Guava, banana, cantaloupe, watermelon, and cherry tomatoes.</div>
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Because tomatoes are a fruit. Stop asking so many questions.</div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-LAtV0ElW4Rc/U-cPgpkgfmI/AAAAAAAAARc/g0w89hoilFw/s1600/IMG_0571.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-LAtV0ElW4Rc/U-cPgpkgfmI/AAAAAAAAARc/g0w89hoilFw/s1600/IMG_0571.JPG" height="298" width="400" /></a></div>
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This is a toilet themed restaurant. You can tell because of the happy poop</div>
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everywhere and Keiran's thrilled expression.</div>
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Ever since I got off the plane I've been experiencing this pain in my back. Recently it got worse so I decided it was time to do something about it. Nina and I went to a carefully selected massage parlor (read: no "happy endings") near her apartments only to discover upon arrival that I couldn't get a massage because I'm a guy. Fair enough I suppose.</div>
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We found out about another place from some of the other teachers and decided to try again. The thing about massages in Taiwan is that the goal isn't so much to massage the tension out of your body as it is to force out the tension through extreme pressure and well placed elbow grinding. One painful hour later, Nina and I had to go get tea to discuss what just took place, like we were in some sort of victims support group. Strangely enough my back feels much better. I still think I might try acupuncture instead next time...</div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-AuLf4c4WbIw/U-cOymzqhCI/AAAAAAAAAOM/80ipbi5hQGs/s1600/IMG_0584.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-AuLf4c4WbIw/U-cOymzqhCI/AAAAAAAAAOM/80ipbi5hQGs/s1600/IMG_0584.JPG" height="298" width="400" /></a></div>
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My Chinese is terrible but I'm certain one of those symbols means "death massage"</div>
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Alright that's enough blabbing for now. On to the Bathroom of the Week. This week we have a special two-for-the-price-of-one deal! Our first entry is a tiny little bathroom from a restaurant called The Local. Good food, but not a lot of space to work with.<br />
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Number two? Go to the women's restroom. That's literally what you're supposed to do.</div>
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The next entry is just a funny little sign hanging in the bathroom at a place called Smith & Lo.</div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ekGdtcN5dnM/U-cPeO1hmjI/AAAAAAAAARE/c5A8P2O0nkw/s1600/IMG_0566.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ekGdtcN5dnM/U-cPeO1hmjI/AAAAAAAAARE/c5A8P2O0nkw/s1600/IMG_0566.JPG" height="298" width="400" /></a></div>
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You'll realize that since the last sentence doesn't have a </div>
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question mark that it must actually be a demand.</div>
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Apparently there's some Will guy running around not aiming appropriately.</div>
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Oh yeah, the answer to the question at the beginning of this post is Super Mega Bond. It's OK if you didn't get it right, neither did the manufacturer. Zàijiàn!</div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dymIjKQKlfRvZSt7xTesSwt1cUKEc1V07WXRm8nYbGN5cQ3VANdyMWXo_5kLJUvngIZFMJA6jCDHll6oqOsQg' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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Just a couple of gringos bringing sweet Mexican tunes to Taiwan.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07901920591656756321noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8736718330359764100.post-20764859474564850692014-07-17T07:28:00.001-07:002014-07-17T07:28:17.157-07:00The Length of This One Got Out of Hand FastOne of these days I'll do a post to show everybody my school, my students, and maybe even my house. But today's not that day, so buckle down and get ready to read more pointless garbage. It's either this or you go back to stalking people on Facebook and let's be honest, you've done enough of that already today. They're your ex for a reason. Let it go.<br />
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And if any of you started singing that damn Frozen song after reading that last sentence, you can knock it off right now.<br />
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Living in a country where you don't know the language can pose some difficult challenges so it's important to have a few strategies to help get around. Knowing a few key phrases can be extremely helpful. And in the beginning it's pretty much a given that you need to have addresses written down in case you need to take a taxi.<br />
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For example, the other day I was having lunch with some friends who teach at the school on the other side of town. We decided to eat at this restaurant that was in the central part of Taichung so it kind of split the distance as far as travel time between the two campuses. Afterwards we decided to go our separate ways and meet up later that evening. I waved down a taxi and was on my way. Naturally, I had my schools contact card with me with my campuses address circled. After all, I'm a smart traveler and my school is only a five minute walk from my house. The driver said OK and we were off. Eli for the win!<br />
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Taxis are great if for nothing else you can just zone out and pretend you're the racist old lady from "Driving Ms. Daisy." And it's in that spirit that I'll refer to the driver as Morgan Freeman for the remainder of this story. So about twenty minutes into our drive I snapped out of my trance and realized that all the buildings around us were still really nice looking (read: not my neighborhood). I looked up at the street sign just in time to see that Morgan Freeman had driven me to the complete opposite side of town. Apparently when I showed him my school's card he looked at the address just above the address I had circled and so we ended up at the Shangan campus. He pulled up in front of the school as I tried to explain to him in a language somewhat resembling Mandarin that I wanted to go to Nanmen. After I showed him the address card again he saw the correct address we just sat there in silence.<br />
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Finally Morgan Freeman and I just started laughing and laughing. It was a really beautiful moment. About 30 slightly less beautiful minutes later I arrived home with a reduced fare and the realization that having addresses written down doesn't work anyway and is a stupid idea. Time for some pictures!<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Rfi3V6E2pCk/U8fDfq9NRiI/AAAAAAAAAGI/KuXqKUAKlqQ/s1600/IMG_0521.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Rfi3V6E2pCk/U8fDfq9NRiI/AAAAAAAAAGI/KuXqKUAKlqQ/s1600/IMG_0521.JPG" height="298" width="400" /></a></div>
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I did this. I am the slayer of mangoes.</div>
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I bought this. I am the eater of mango ice cream.</div>
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The salad came with a side of dentures!</div>
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Last night we went to a night market off of Sanmin Road. It's a really cool place with a bunch of little shops and food vendors. We got these sausages where the "bun" is actually a sausage casing full of rice (because there's rice in everything here). Then it's topped of with an actual sausage and some sort of spicy sauce. They've been described as "awesome."<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-GXuODUWJ0Ns/U8fDpLw4mdI/AAAAAAAAAHk/G8Kqz7YyoOs/s1600/IMG_0544.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-GXuODUWJ0Ns/U8fDpLw4mdI/AAAAAAAAAHk/G8Kqz7YyoOs/s1600/IMG_0544.JPG" height="400" width="298" /></a></div>
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It's one of the more flattering pictures I've taken...</div>
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After that we went to a fruit smoothie stand that was absolutely fantastic. While we were waiting in line I asked a coworker what flavors they had. "Watermelon, banana, and papaya. Those are the only fruits they have on display." No mango for this poor boy. I let everyone go ahead of me to order. When it was my turn I approached the stand and sadly resigned myself to a banana smoothie. As I looked up the girl working behind the counter made eye contact with me and said in the voice of an angel/back alley drug dealer, "You want mango?" She opened a refrigerator and showed me a tray full of sliced mangoes. I must have mustered out a yes while in a state of shock because the next thing I know, I had a mango smoothie! The clouds parted and sunshine followed me wherever I walked.<br />
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We spent the rest of the night just walking around looking at the different shops.<br />
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Hello demon monkey. From Mr. Rogers' dressing room.</div>
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I also found this really cool fuckin hat.<br />
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But what does it <i>mean</i>?</div>
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Lest we forget the goat massacre that occurred on this hallow ground.</div>
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They even put rice in the salt shakers! Have they no shame?!</div>
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One of perhaps the weirdest feelings I've gotten since being here is the feeling I get when people stare at me. At first I didn't notice, probably because I was so overwhelmed. But now it seems to happen everywhere I go. The novelty of being a white person in Taiwan wears off pretty quick after a few weeks of stares. You know people aren't trying to be rude but it's hard to know how to respond to be constantly looked at. It's a bit embarrassing but I find myself getting excited when I see another white person. Like, "Take a picture, take a picture!" excited.<br />
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Dr. Michael, in all his billboard glory.</div>
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More white....people?</div>
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Alright, sorry to anyone who felt uncomfortable about that last section. Race can be a touchy subject and everyone has their own feelings on how to approach it while being sensitive towards others. I wasn't trying to be offensive but I had those pictures and I needed to figure out a way to use them so that's the route I went with. Besides, I hate white people.<br />
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The other night I tried this new "candy." We'll call it "candy" because it comes in bright shiny wrapping like candy usually does. We'll use the quotation marks because what it really is, is a small dead fish wrapped in deceit!<br />
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LIES!!!</div>
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Now I'm sure some of you want to know what it tasted like. Well do you remember that finely shredded beef jerky that they used to shamelessly sell to kids in plastic cans resembling tobacco chew?<br />
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That's the stuff. A safe alternative to candy cigarettes.</div>
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Well it tasted just like that but with a strong mix of fish. But at least I'm building myself a reputation here as the moron who will try any horrible food set in front of him. That's the secret to getting friends and impressing girls. Are ya proud ma?<br />
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Well I'm bored and this post is too long. Here's an obligatory bathroom picture. This one comes to us from a vegetarian restaurant.<br />
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All you had to do was follow the stairs down to the creepy basement.</div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07901920591656756321noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8736718330359764100.post-53718001502534667282014-07-05T08:53:00.001-07:002014-07-05T08:55:51.210-07:00I Think I'm Just Going to Ramble on This OneIt's been two weeks since I first landed in Taiwan. Two days ago I decided to go to McDonald's because of reasons I don't have to justify to you. So what if I'm surrounded by delicious Taiwanese cuisine?! Some times a guy just wants a cheeseburger! I can still appreciate Taiwanese culture while eating McDonald's!<br />
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Sorry, I haven't had a good cup of coffee in a long time. I'm not mad, I'm just tired. Anyway, so I walked into the McDonald's and the very first thing that happens is the two cashiers look at me, look at each other, look back at me, and then turn to each other and start laughing. I checked my pants zipper and everything was cool so I decided to just act like it wasn't a big deal. I figured they were just trying to decide who has to speak English to the white guy. It was surprisingly easy to order my food considering I had to do so in between their breaks from laughing. The female cashier started to ask me a question in Mandarin but then decided that it wasn't worth it and just laughed and threw a straw in my bag. Needless to say, I got my food to go.<br />
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Looks like McDonald's design team decided to give acid another try.</div>
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After I finished my food, my roommate Keiran got home and wouldn't you know it but he thought McDonald's sounded like a good idea too. I decided to go back with him because I needed to buy some towels from the store nearby (no more drying off with shirts!). We walked into McDonald's and guess who was at the counter? Why, only my two BFFs from earlier! I now know the face of excitement that movie stars get from star-struck fans.<br />
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Being laughed at once that day was enough so I decided to hang back at the tables while Keiran went up to order. But here's the thing about Keiran; the dude can speak Mandarin. And not just "Yeah I took a few semesters in college" Mandarin, but full blown "My mom's from Taiwan and I've known Mandarin since I was a child" Mandarin. Mr. and Mrs. Giggles-a-Lot didn't know this. When Keiran got back to the table he informed me that all the employees that had been staring at me were turning around and saying to each other, "He's back, he's back!" So I'm famous. I'll probably go back next week. Straw girl was cute.<br />
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And just to assure you that I am enjoying more cultured dishes, tonight I ate blood cake which is basically congealed pig blood and rice. So don't worry Mom, I'm trying new things.<br />
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While cleaning up around the house the other day I found something interesting.<br />
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Ladies...</div>
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Turns out it's from a gimmick restaurant that is toilet themed. Yes, that's a real thing. Apparently the container is what they serve their drinks in. I was going to go check this place out however, based on what I've heard from other people the decorations are kind of cool but the food tastes like shit.<br />
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BOOM! Nailed it! I have no regrets about that joke.<br />
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While we're on the subject of bathrooms (which has somehow manifested into the running theme of my blog posts) I made a new friend in my school's bathroom the other day.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-88XGH6aYhTU/U7gI5Msr7xI/AAAAAAAAAEc/F6M3OCgXpMo/s1600/IMG_0508.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-88XGH6aYhTU/U7gI5Msr7xI/AAAAAAAAAEc/F6M3OCgXpMo/s1600/IMG_0508.JPG" height="400" width="298" /></a></div>
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"Don't mind me. Just looking to save 15% or more on my car insurance."</div>
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Speaking of bathrooms, what's something you do in them? That's right, you brush your teeth! But first you need some toothpaste. Well don't worry folks, Taichung has a plethora of toothpaste brands to select from and with a little help from Keiran we can even translate their names for you! For instance...<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9eEB81QXsUU/U7gI9qYNCiI/AAAAAAAAAFI/GWEUn03rWCM/s1600/IMG_0515.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9eEB81QXsUU/U7gI9qYNCiI/AAAAAAAAAFI/GWEUn03rWCM/s1600/IMG_0515.JPG" height="298" width="400" /></a></div>
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White People Toothpaste!</div>
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Go ahead, Google Translate "white people" to Mandarin. I'll wait.</div>
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But don't worry. There's toothpaste for other races too!<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Zo17TI4Mr8k/U7gI-i0v3qI/AAAAAAAAAFQ/fU1i99PD1SU/s1600/IMG_0516.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Zo17TI4Mr8k/U7gI-i0v3qI/AAAAAAAAAFQ/fU1i99PD1SU/s1600/IMG_0516.JPG" height="400" width="298" /></a></div>
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Darlie's Black People Toothpaste!</div>
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It didn't feel right that these two equally fine brands were in separate areas of the toothpaste aisle, so.....<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HytAczjOfRU/U7gI_WZQ4kI/AAAAAAAAAFc/8cbzzHvWRtY/s1600/IMG_0517.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HytAczjOfRU/U7gI_WZQ4kI/AAAAAAAAAFc/8cbzzHvWRtY/s1600/IMG_0517.JPG" height="298" width="400" /></a></div>
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"Ebony and ivory live together in perfect harmony!"</div>
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Now this blog wouldn't be complete if I didn't dish out some sort of advice about day-to-day living in Taichung so for this entry we'll tackle the pressing issue of trash disposal. Back in America taking out the trash involves taking bags to a trash can and wheeling it to the street on a specific day. It also involves a lot of complaining and threats of not receiving an allowance if you didn't help out around the house more. Overall, it's a pretty monotonous routine. Now for a video of Taiwan taking the American trash experience and drop-kicking it out the 9th floor window.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dztc9sNXQjBa5SiUDACkXF3K7LmEedYnciyFPWAE48ia8uV3gj9giak0JcjrDAsV4dw1vvh0huac_77f1Zj7g' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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Flashing lights! Classical music! Neighborhood togetherness! We swarmed that truck like it was the LA riots and it was the only unflipped car on the block! And this happens every night! I know it was the 4th of July yesterday and I'm not one to talk trash on someone during their birthday party, but America could learn a thing or two from this.<br />
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Finally, I've realized that blogging is a very one sided endeavor and that doesn't seem very fair to you, my many loyal readers (aka Mom and Dad). So let's get this a bit more interactive. There's a comment button at the end of each blog post. If you want to see something in Taichung, have a ridiculous task you think I should try out, or just want to ask about Taiwan in general, leave a comment and I'll do my best to address it in a future blog. And if I can't find out the answer I'll just make up a really good lie. Or don't leave a comment and just wait for me to post another blog about bathrooms in Taiwan. It's your choice.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07901920591656756321noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8736718330359764100.post-33144491997068348652014-06-29T00:15:00.001-07:002014-06-29T00:15:11.318-07:00I'm Getting Better at Chop SticksThe other day I was walking down the street by my house when I passed this sweet old lady. She was using an umbrella as a cane and looked like she was out for a leisurely stroll. We made eye contact and smiled at each other, a sincere smile of genuine human connection. I'll never forget the aura of calmness that seemed to follow her.<br />
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Ten seconds later she zoomed by and almost clipped me on her scooter. That sweet old maniac.<br />
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I spent the last week visiting my school and doing prep work for the upcoming week. I hit my head on three different doorways because Taiwanese architects are sadists. During my quest to give myself a concussion I got to meet my future students and they are all awesome! Unbeknownst to me, their teacher got them really pumped up to meet me so as soon as I walked into their classroom I was greeted with cries of "Teacher Eli!" Hearing that many kids shout your name in excitement gives you a feeling that you'll never get tired of. And I know this sounds tacky but I feel like I'll learn just as much from the students as they'll learn from me. For instance, I already learned that Teacher Eli is a giant, he is super strong, and he is very hairy. This is followed by kids pulling on your arm and leg hair in awe. It feels good to be a role model in that aspect. On a side note, JP if you ever decide to bring that beard of yours for a visit to Taiwan I think the students would view you as some sort of hairy deity.<br />
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The other day I went with a few of the other new teachers to explore a nearby mall and was able to find some decorations for my desk.<br />
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A must have for any teacher.</div>
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X: It's for Xmas. Also, here's a goat. </div>
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Someday Simba, all this will be yours. Everything the light touches...</div>
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Just a fair warning about this next picture; if you happen to be someone with a strong sense of nationalism or think that Toby Keith is some sort of spokesman for the greatness of everything American I hate to burst your bubble but...<br />
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Ore-oh snap!</div>
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Yeah, I know. I just blew your mind with a sandwich cookie. The world can be a dark scary place but I'm the guy with a flashlight, so just stick with me.<br />
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So all of us new teachers had been staying in a hotel during the first week we were here and were supposed to move into our new places on Saturday morning. However, due to a mix-up of dates we had to leave school in the middle of the day on Friday to rush back, grab our bags, and throw them into our new houses. Luckily the school provided us with a free ride to get our things. I felt a bit like a celebrity in a movie.<br />
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Pee Wee's Playhouse, to be exact.</div>
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Nina approves of stylish rhino, duck, and elephant seat covers.</div>
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Now whenever you move to a new country you may experience a bout with culture shock. This is where you get to a point of being so overwhelmed with the unfamiliarity of things that you start to become very resentful and emotionally distraught. So it's important to develop a group of friends and even some hobbies as ways of coping with culture shock. I know there are a few people who are thinking, "No way! It's all so new and fascinating! I love everything and nothing will ever change that!" And really, that's great! Maybe you're right. After all, who am I to cold-cock your dreams of bliss and fairy tales with happy endings?<br />
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I'm reality and I'm calling you out.</div>
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Now that's not to say that you shouldn't visit new places just because you're wary of your bladder control/leg strength. In almost any country you'll find something that reminds you a bit of home. Taiwan is no exception, and it doesn't take much effort to find familiar places like 7-11, McDonalds, Pizza Hut, 7-11, Baskin Robbins, 7-11, KFC, 7-11, and 7-11.<br />
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Yesterday I went with a group of teachers to a Hash House Harriers event. Calm down, it's not what it sounds like. It's more like a club that gets together every Saturday and drives out to a small town in the countryside and runs some trails. The catch is that these aren't paved walkways with easy to read signs. Instead, a group of 2 or 3 people decide on a path before hand and then leave everyone little clues on where to go by leaving behind flour, shredded paper, or a chalk mark. Occasionally you come upon a circle with a dot in the middle. This means "haha screw you, the next clue is hidden somewhere in a hundred meter radius of here." Basically, it's the tale of Hansel and Gretel on steroids.You end up running through the jungle, sliding down steep inclines in bamboo forests, crawling over rocky streams, and sweating every ounce of fluid out of your body. You do this typically for 6-8 kilometers, but sometimes they're longer. There's a beer checkpoint about 2/3 of the way trough though, so at least someone's looking out for you. After finishing the trail they had a pig roast and shot off fireworks for Canada Day/4th of July. It was definitely something I have to do again.<br />
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Near my house is a local university that I can in no way pronounce so we'll just call it KU Taiwan. I went exploring KU Taiwan the other day and they do their campus a little differently than your traditional American college.<br />
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Wood Mantis preys on your nightmares...</div>
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And what campus is complete without a military jet randomly plopped in between classes?<br />
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Once you're a tenured professor you get your own parking space.</div>
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Even though Taiwan is completely different from anywhere I've ever lived before, I feel like this is going to be a great year. I've already met some awesome people and am really looking forward to whatever comes next. Every day's a new adventure and I absolutely love it. And my Mandarin is continually improving!<br />
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I believe it says, "I am a sign."</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07901920591656756321noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8736718330359764100.post-49100777906507890192014-06-22T07:24:00.002-07:002014-06-22T07:24:35.072-07:00Two Days in TaiwanXièxiè. It means "thank you" and is one of the more vital phrases to know in Taiwan. You basically say it to everyone. The important thing to remember is that it's pronounced [shi shi] with a short i sound, like saying "shit shit" but without the "T" at the end. Now you might be asking yourself, "But Eli, why are you giving me this excellent lesson in Mandarin pronunciation?" Well it's because if you say xièxiè with a long i sound, like saying "shee shee," you're actually saying "pee pee" which is what I told the guy at the front desk of the hotel. So yeah...<br />
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Now that we got that out of the way let's talk about some other stuff. I've been in Taiwan for 2 days now and it is an amazing place. I'm currently staying in a hotel located in the Dong district while I wait to move into the housing provided by Cornel. When we got to the hotel Friday night the school had welcome baskets waiting for us in our rooms. It was filled with the usual stuff: bananas, apples, kiwi, cheese pizza flavored Doritos, and blueberry ice cream Oreos.<br />
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Say hello to the new member of the team.</div>
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On Saturday we were taken to the school's graduation ceremony for the Kindergarten and sixth grade classes. The sixth grade classes did skits based on countries they had researched this year and the kindergartners sang and danced. It was great seeing the kids have so much fun.</div>
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I believe this is the part where they we're singing "Gangsta's Paradise."</div>
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Afterwards we got to meet the other teachers at Cornel, including our mentor teachers. It hadn't really dawned on me how many people actually work at the school until we were all gathered out in the hallway. It's awesome to see how well everyone gets along and they were all very friendly to us newbies. The best part however, had to be when I was getting ready to leave and was stopped on the stairs by a woman and her daughter. The woman told me that in the second week of July her daughter would be joining my kindergarten class after they get back from their vacation to Legoland Malaysia. So not only did I get to meet a future student on my first day in Taiwan but I also learned where the nearest Legoland is located. FYI: it's only a four and a half hour flight to Malaysia.</div>
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Once we were done cleaning up from the graduation we all decided to get some lunch at a popular restaurant nearby. Us new teachers partnered up with our mentors and got to go on our very first scooter ride. At this point I would like to take a break and ask my mom to skip over the remainder of this section and move on to the next paragraph.... Alright, so it was awesome! The traffic laws in Taiwan seem to be more like friendly suggestions that nobody really bothered to listen to. People on scooters just zip around and it has a very organized chaos feel to it. It's like those movies where a gang of tattooed biker runs the town only instead of motorcycles it's scooters and instead of tattoos it's Hello Kitty helmets. At one intersection I was stared down by a five-year-old girl with a pink helmet visor. She looked hardcore and I could tell she wanted to fight so I decided to look away like a coward. Despite this though, the scooters are awesome!</div>
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OK Mom, I trust you took my advice and skipped the last paragraph. Basically it was a casual scooter ride and everyone was very courteous. It was alright but I kind of got bored. I doubt I'll do it again.</div>
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The restaurant we ended up going to served us this circular food that was mainly bread but had a mixture of cheese and other assorted foods on top, along with some kind of sauce. The locals pronounce it as "peet-zah." I wasn't too sure about it at first, but half the reason I came to Taiwan is to try new things. It was really good and I was even able to take the leftovers back to the hotel and refrigerate them. I hear it tastes just as good when its cold.</div>
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Pictured above: Authentic Taiwanese food.</div>
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Later that night all the teachers went to KTV which is a place where a group can rent out a private room and have a karaoke party. Because this is Taiwan and these things exist. The taxi we took to get there was driven by this really nice guy who couldn't speak English but kept trying to tell us something through Mandarin and gestures. About five minutes in to my first game of Taiwanese Charades one of the other teachers realized that he was trying to tell us that he didn't speak English. Go figure. Then he showed us a music video on his dashboard screen that had a bunch of scenes from The Fast and the Furious in it. After our second game of Taiwanese Charades we figured out he was saying that a scene from the movie where this guy break dances in a crowd was shot in Taichung. I haven't decided yet if learning that little fact justified the number of times the driver took his hands off the wheel or looked down to rewind the video. I'm leaning towards yes though.</div>
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This morning another new teacher and I went to get some coffee and walked through this really cool open air market. If you haven't seen a pile of chicken feet for sale then you're doing this whole "life" thing wrong and I pity you. Seriously, go find a pile of chicken feet. It really makes you contemplate the meaning of things.</div>
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"Becarefull the thief" Apparently there's only one thief and he's becoming a real problem.</div>
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This bush is currently under construction.</div>
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Perhaps the best thing about Taiwan is how I learn something new everyday. For instance, today I finally realized that my hotel bathroom has a phone right next to the toilet. It's just one TV set away from being 7-year-old Eli's dream room. Also, you're not allowed to flush toilet paper down the toilet because the sewer systems can't handle it. Either that or the Taiwanese collectively agreed to lie to every foreigner that comes to their country because, let's be honest, that would be a pretty funny prank.</div>
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Brain Break! See if you can figure out where the toilet paper goes...</div>
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The one place where it's appropriate to say "shee shee"</div>
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Don't worry folks, we're not done with the bathroom yet. Back in the states my good friend Phillip asked a great question about whether or not the showers would be tall enough for me. Well no worries Phil because the shower head is hand-held! This is a new experience for me and I'm a bit embarrassed to say that my hand-held shower skills are slightly sub-par. I basically whip that thing around like I'm in the middle of a lightsaber battle and everything around me must die. On a positive note the bathroom walls a very clean.</div>
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My weapon of choice.</div>
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The school held a Farewell/Welcome lunch today for all the departing teachers and the new staff. Also, we just got back from going to the restaurant where bubble tea was first created. I'd tell you more about these two adventures but the jet lag just hit me so I think this blog entry is done. Really though, this is shaping up to be an amazing experience and I feel very fortunate to be where I am right now. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity and I can tell it's going to be great. For all of you who helped and encouraged me to get to where I am, xièxiè.</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07901920591656756321noreply@blogger.com0