The answer will be at the end of this post, provided I don't forget to write it down.
Taxis are nice. They take you where ever you need to go and in Taiwan they operate at a reasonable price. They also have air conditioning and deep cushioned seats. Hurray taxis, right? No. You're wrong and I'll tell you why. While those deep cushioned seats seem like they only want to gently caress your derrière, what they really want to do is steal your keys. But this is only a partial explanation as to why I was wailing on the door to my house like a Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robot at 2:30 in the morning. Really it was a social experiment to see how many dogs live in my neighborhood and whether or not they would wake up to the sound of loud banging. Conclusion: 3 dogs and yes, they wake up.
But at least this gave me an excuse to meet our friendly neighborhood key master.
If Taiwan were the Matrix, he would be KEY-anu Reeves. (Insert laughs)
So last weekend a group of us went to Sun Moon Lake, which is just a two hour (karaoke free) bus ride from Taichung. It's a really beautiful area of Taiwan with lots of trails and temples to explore. We had to take a ferry boat to the other side of the lake which gave me plenty of time to reflect on important issues.
"Sure Superman can fly, but Batman has to rely on his cunning..."
As soon as we got off the boat we immediately started sweating because Taiwan's climate hates you and hates your clothes. Most of the time I look like I finished last in a wet t-shirt contest. Seriously, you'd think my belly button sprang a leak from all the sweat on my shirt. I'll post picture evidence further down.
ANYWAY, the trail we were on was going to lead us to a temple at the top of this small mountain. It was amazing and we basically had the entire area to ourselves, since no one else had started hiking yet. Either that or we were on a path that people aren't intended to take but we can't read Chinese so we ignorantly do whatever we want. Illiteracy - 1, Education - 0
Pictured Above: The happy ending to a great movie or the opening scene to a horror film.
This pretty much sums up all the pictures I've ever had taken of me.
"Then again Superman has heat vision. One look from him and Batman would be fried."
Apparently I'm learning how to whistle in this picture.
Taiwan's secret Cabbage Patch Kids garden.
"But the Batmobile is just so damn cool!"
Along the trail were quite a few betel nut farms as well. Betel nut is actually areca nut wrapped in betel leaves which is then chewed for it's effects as a mild stimulant, kind of like chewing tobacco. Go ahead and take a moment to Google Image search "betel nut smile." Go on, I'll wait...
For those of you who looked it up, that's pretty gnarly right? For those of you who said "I'll do it later" and then kept on reading, I'm disappointed. You know you're going to forget later. It'll be just like last year when you forgot to call your grandma on her birthday. Your good intentions aren't going to magically wish Nana a happy birthday because your forgetful brain was too busy watching Dancing with the Stars!
Where were we? Betel nut farms. You see more of them the further inland you get and I guess they're a hot commodity because the farmers post warnings about their intense security systems to dissuade trespassers.
The rough translation is: Warning: Dog shoots lightning from mouth.
You don't want to know where the fireballs come from...
A stupid idea is being contemplated...
Not pictured: The path we're supposed to be on
It took us about 30 minutes to get to the end of the trail where the Xuanzang Temple was located. It was an incredible building with so many intricate details. Absolutely worth the hike.
Xuanzang Temple
Possibly an ancient alarm clock?
We couldn't take pictures on the top two floors of the temple but we were allowed to take photos on the first floor. It seemed a bit inappropriate though, so I don't have any photos inside the temple. But nobody said anything about taking borderline inappropriate photos outside the temple!
Leaky belly button!
One of the more spacious places I've been in Taiwan.
It symbolizes all the wild elephants that absolutely do not exist in Taiwan.
We decided to get some food after touring the temple but unfortunately the only food we could find was from this older gentleman selling "Chinese hamburgers" out of what appeared to be a giant wok full of boiling oil. Group consensus was to hike to the visitor center and get food there instead. Luckily a shop owner was nice enough to point us in the right direction and inform us that it was only a 25 minute walk along the road. Even though the shop owners grandson was pretending to shoot us with a toy gun, most of the people you meet in Taiwan are super helpful!
But wanting to be helpful and being helpful are two entirely different things.
Twenty-five minutes into the walk we were still no where close to civilization. And then it began to rain. And rain. And rain. There are few sights more pathetic than 3 people huddled under a tree on the side of the road, trying to seek shelter from a torrential downpour that Taiwan decided to dump down. After about 10 minutes of this a man on a scooter drove by with a look that said, "What kind of morons walk around Taiwan without ponchos or umbrellas?" I agree sir.
Luckily a few minutes later he came back by and gave us two ponchos out of his scooter. Hurray for kindness! But some of you may recall that there were 3 of us huddled under that tree and the man only had 2 ponchos to spare. Through the power of math and deductive reasoning, you probably figured out that one of us was going to have to keep getting rained on. UNLESS we tied the two ponchos together and held them over our heads. BOOM! Human ingenuity over nature!
The truth is that nature doesn't care about your ingenuity and if Taiwan has decided that you're going to get wet, then you're going to get wet. No way around it. I realized this as I continued to get soaked despite the colorful ponchos being held over our heads.
Finally there was a light at the end of the tunnel. It came in the form of a light at the end of the road. Nina and Rhonda flagged down a passing car and the driver was foolish enough to stop. Before anyone could say anything Nina was in the back seat of the car introducing herself and asking for a ride. One look at the three confused Taiwanese faces in the car told me that we were all about to become best friends.
So there we were. Rolling 6 deep in a 5 passenger car. The guy in the back seat with us awkwardly accepted his fate of getting squished and wet. He was a good sport about it. Hurray for kindness!
You can't even tell we were sweating earlier!
We ended up getting dropped off near a pier where we could take a boat back to the other side of the lake. As we walked up to the visitors center we were given a hero's welcome by the all the laughing Taiwanese people. I guess getting caught in a rain storm and looking like a drowned rat is a pretty white person thing to do.
Let's look at some food! Shaved ice is awesome! The last couple of times we got chocolate with frosted flakes and chocolate with banana slices. This time we switched things up and got shaved ice with fruit and mango ice cream.
Guava, banana, cantaloupe, watermelon, and cherry tomatoes.
Because tomatoes are a fruit. Stop asking so many questions.
This is a toilet themed restaurant. You can tell because of the happy poop
everywhere and Keiran's thrilled expression.
Ever since I got off the plane I've been experiencing this pain in my back. Recently it got worse so I decided it was time to do something about it. Nina and I went to a carefully selected massage parlor (read: no "happy endings") near her apartments only to discover upon arrival that I couldn't get a massage because I'm a guy. Fair enough I suppose.
We found out about another place from some of the other teachers and decided to try again. The thing about massages in Taiwan is that the goal isn't so much to massage the tension out of your body as it is to force out the tension through extreme pressure and well placed elbow grinding. One painful hour later, Nina and I had to go get tea to discuss what just took place, like we were in some sort of victims support group. Strangely enough my back feels much better. I still think I might try acupuncture instead next time...
My Chinese is terrible but I'm certain one of those symbols means "death massage"
Alright that's enough blabbing for now. On to the Bathroom of the Week. This week we have a special two-for-the-price-of-one deal! Our first entry is a tiny little bathroom from a restaurant called The Local. Good food, but not a lot of space to work with.
Number two? Go to the women's restroom. That's literally what you're supposed to do.
The next entry is just a funny little sign hanging in the bathroom at a place called Smith & Lo.
You'll realize that since the last sentence doesn't have a
question mark that it must actually be a demand.
Apparently there's some Will guy running around not aiming appropriately.
Oh yeah, the answer to the question at the beginning of this post is Super Mega Bond. It's OK if you didn't get it right, neither did the manufacturer. Zàijiàn!
Just a couple of gringos bringing sweet Mexican tunes to Taiwan.
Great story about your adventures. I am glad the people are helpful. It seems that makes adventuring a bit easier. Is the bottle of glue held by your knees? If so, that might be the largest bottle of glue I have ever seen. Hope the year is going well for you.
ReplyDeleteYes the glue is being held by my knees and it doesn't come with a brush or anything to spread the glue with. So you have to find random stuff to use, like popsicle sticks. I've been going with a lazier approach and have just been using my fingers.
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