The Length of This One Got Out of Hand Fast

One of these days I'll do a post to show everybody my school, my students, and maybe even my house. But today's not that day, so buckle down and get ready to read more pointless garbage. It's either this or you go back to stalking people on Facebook and let's be honest, you've done enough of that already today. They're your ex for a reason. Let it go.

And if any of you started singing that damn Frozen song after reading that last sentence, you can knock it off right now.

Living in a country where you don't know the language can pose some difficult challenges so it's important to have a few strategies to help get around. Knowing a few key phrases can be extremely helpful. And in the beginning it's pretty much a given that you need to have addresses written down in case you need to take a taxi.

For example, the other day I was having lunch with some friends who teach at the school on the other side of town. We decided to eat at this restaurant that was in the central part of Taichung so it kind of split the distance as far as travel time between the two campuses. Afterwards we decided to go our separate ways and meet up later that evening. I waved down a taxi and was on my way. Naturally, I had my schools contact card with me with my campuses address circled. After all, I'm a smart traveler and my school is only a five minute walk from my house. The driver said OK and we were off. Eli for the win!

Taxis are great if for nothing else you can just zone out and pretend you're the racist old lady from "Driving Ms. Daisy." And it's in that spirit that I'll refer to the driver as Morgan Freeman for the remainder of this story. So about twenty minutes into our drive I snapped out of my trance and realized that all the buildings around us were still really nice looking (read: not my neighborhood). I looked up at the street sign just in time to see that Morgan Freeman had driven me to the complete opposite side of town. Apparently when I showed him my school's card he looked at the address just above the address I had circled and so we ended up at the Shangan campus. He pulled up in front of the school as I tried to explain to him in a language somewhat resembling Mandarin that I wanted to go to Nanmen. After I showed him the address card again he saw the correct address we just sat there in silence.

Finally Morgan Freeman and I just started laughing and laughing. It was a really beautiful moment. About 30 slightly less beautiful minutes later I arrived home with a reduced fare and the realization that having addresses written down doesn't work anyway and is a stupid idea. Time for some pictures!

I did this. I am the slayer of mangoes.

I bought this. I am the eater of mango ice cream.

The salad came with a side of dentures!

Last night we went to a night market off of Sanmin Road. It's a really cool place with a bunch of little shops and food vendors. We got these sausages where the "bun" is actually a sausage casing full of rice (because there's rice in everything here). Then it's topped of with an actual sausage and some sort of spicy sauce. They've been described as "awesome."

It's one of the more flattering pictures I've taken...

After that we went to a fruit smoothie stand that was absolutely fantastic. While we were waiting in line I asked a coworker what flavors they had. "Watermelon, banana, and papaya. Those are the only fruits they have on display." No mango for this poor boy. I let everyone go ahead of me to order. When it was my turn I approached the stand and sadly resigned myself to a banana smoothie. As I looked up the girl working behind the counter made eye contact with me and said in the voice of an angel/back alley drug dealer, "You want mango?" She opened a refrigerator and showed me a tray full of sliced mangoes. I must have mustered out a yes while in a state of shock because the next thing I know, I had a mango smoothie! The clouds parted and sunshine followed me wherever I walked.

We spent the rest of the night just walking around looking at the different shops.

Hello demon monkey. From Mr. Rogers' dressing room.

I also found this really cool fuckin hat.

But what does it mean?

Lest we forget the goat massacre that occurred on this hallow ground.

They even put rice in the salt shakers! Have they no shame?!

One of perhaps the weirdest feelings I've gotten since being here is the feeling I get when people stare at me. At first I didn't notice, probably because I was so overwhelmed. But now it seems to happen everywhere I go. The novelty of being a white person in Taiwan wears off pretty quick after a few weeks of stares. You know people aren't trying to be rude but it's hard to know how to respond to be constantly looked at. It's a bit embarrassing but I find myself getting excited when I see another white person. Like, "Take a picture, take a picture!" excited.

Dr. Michael, in all his billboard glory.

More white....people?

Alright, sorry to anyone who felt uncomfortable about that last section. Race can be a touchy subject and everyone has their own feelings on how to approach it while being sensitive towards others. I wasn't trying to be offensive but I had those pictures and I needed to figure out a way to use them so that's the route I went with. Besides, I hate white people.

The other night I tried this new "candy." We'll call it "candy" because it comes in bright shiny wrapping like candy usually does. We'll use the quotation marks because what it really is, is a small dead fish wrapped in deceit!

LIES!!!

Now I'm sure some of you want to know what it tasted like. Well do you remember that finely shredded beef jerky that they used to shamelessly sell to kids in plastic cans resembling tobacco chew?

That's the stuff. A safe alternative to candy cigarettes.

Well it tasted just like that but with a strong mix of fish. But at least I'm building myself a reputation here as the moron who will try any horrible food set in front of him. That's the secret to getting friends and impressing girls. Are ya proud ma?

Well I'm bored and this post is too long. Here's an obligatory bathroom picture. This one comes to us from a vegetarian restaurant.

All you had to do was follow the stairs down to the creepy basement.