I Think I'm Just Going to Ramble on This One

It's been two weeks since I first landed in Taiwan. Two days ago I decided to go to McDonald's because of reasons I don't have to justify to you. So what if I'm surrounded by delicious Taiwanese cuisine?! Some times a guy just wants a cheeseburger! I can still appreciate Taiwanese culture while eating McDonald's!

Sorry, I haven't had a good cup of coffee in a long time. I'm not mad, I'm just tired. Anyway, so I walked into the McDonald's and the very first thing that happens is the two cashiers look at me, look at each other, look back at me, and then turn to each other and start laughing. I checked my pants zipper and everything was cool so I decided to just act like it wasn't a big deal. I figured they were just trying to decide who has to speak English to the white guy. It was surprisingly easy to order my food considering I had to do so in between their breaks from laughing. The female cashier started to ask me a question in Mandarin but then decided that it wasn't worth it and just laughed and threw a straw in my bag. Needless to say, I got my food to go.

Looks like McDonald's design team decided to give acid another try.

After I finished my food, my roommate Keiran got home and wouldn't you know it but he thought McDonald's sounded like a good idea too. I decided to go back with him because I needed to buy some towels from the store nearby (no more drying off with shirts!). We walked into McDonald's and guess who was at the counter? Why, only my two BFFs from earlier! I now know the face of excitement that movie stars get from star-struck fans.

Being laughed at once that day was enough so I decided to hang back at the tables while Keiran went up to order. But here's the thing about Keiran; the dude can speak Mandarin. And not just "Yeah I took a few semesters in college" Mandarin, but full blown "My mom's from Taiwan and I've known Mandarin since I was a child" Mandarin. Mr. and Mrs. Giggles-a-Lot didn't know this. When Keiran got back to the table he informed me that all the employees that had been staring at me were turning around and saying to each other, "He's back, he's back!" So I'm famous. I'll probably go back next week. Straw girl was cute.

And just to assure you that I am enjoying more cultured dishes, tonight I ate blood cake which is basically congealed pig blood and rice. So don't worry Mom, I'm trying new things.

While cleaning up around the house the other day I found something interesting.

Ladies...

Turns out it's from a gimmick restaurant that is toilet themed. Yes, that's a real thing. Apparently the container is what they serve their drinks in. I was going to go check this place out however, based on what I've heard from other people the decorations are kind of cool but the food tastes like shit.

BOOM! Nailed it! I have no regrets about that joke.

While we're on the subject of bathrooms (which has somehow manifested into the running theme of my blog posts) I made a new friend in my school's bathroom the other day.

"Don't mind me. Just looking to save 15% or more on my car insurance."

Speaking of bathrooms, what's something you do in them? That's right, you brush your teeth! But first you need some toothpaste. Well don't worry folks, Taichung has a plethora of toothpaste brands to select from and with a little help from Keiran we can even translate their names for you! For instance...

White People Toothpaste!

Go ahead, Google Translate "white people" to Mandarin. I'll wait.

But don't worry. There's toothpaste for other races too!

Darlie's Black People Toothpaste!

It didn't feel right that these two equally fine brands were in separate areas of the toothpaste aisle, so.....

"Ebony and ivory live together in perfect harmony!"

Now this blog wouldn't be complete if I didn't dish out some sort of advice about day-to-day living in Taichung so for this entry we'll tackle the pressing issue of trash disposal. Back in America taking out the trash involves taking bags to a trash can and wheeling it to the street on a specific day. It also involves a lot of complaining and threats of not receiving an allowance if you didn't help out around the house more. Overall, it's a pretty monotonous routine. Now for a video of Taiwan taking the American trash experience and drop-kicking it out the 9th floor window.

Flashing lights! Classical music! Neighborhood togetherness! We swarmed that truck like it was the LA riots and it was the only unflipped car on the block! And this happens every night! I know it was the 4th of July yesterday and I'm not one to talk trash on someone during their birthday party, but America could learn a thing or two from this.

Finally, I've realized that blogging is a very one sided endeavor and that doesn't seem very fair to you, my many loyal readers (aka Mom and Dad). So let's get this a bit more interactive. There's a comment button at the end of each blog post. If you want to see something in Taichung, have a ridiculous task you think I should try out, or just want to ask about Taiwan in general, leave a comment and I'll do my best to address it in a future blog. And if I can't find out the answer I'll just make up a really good lie. Or don't leave a comment and just wait for me to post another blog about bathrooms in Taiwan. It's your choice.